May 2013
emilioestevez:
story time
so about 7 months ago, my girlfriend at the time asked me to move in. so i did and we lived together for roughly 6 weeks. she asked me to move out until i was mature enough to live with a girl because in those 6 weeks i drew a dick on her face while she was sleeping 11 times.
deerpong:
oomshi:
call me a tampon cause im always in yo btchs pusie
David that’s not how periods work
my-name-is-hilarious:
theyahoostaff:
yourfriendthecrow:
I don’t know bout y’all, but the Yahoo staff are fucking HILARIOUS
We are not fucking HILARIOUS
HILARIOUS COME HERE AND TELL THEM THAT WE ARE NOT FUCKING
theyahoostaff and i are just friends gOD
zackisontumblr:
if you’re following me i’m just warning you that i don’t know where i’m going
carryonmywincestson:
INTELLIGENCE IS NOT MEASURED IN YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF MATH
eating-worms:
does anyone else lie in bed at 2:30am filled with the crippling fear that they’re never going to accomplish anything in life and fail miserably or is that just me?
No that’s every minute of every day
Everyone: Are you okay
Everyone: You look tired
Everyone: You look upset
Everyone: You look confused
Everyone: Are you mad at me
Everyone: What are you mad at
Me: IT'S MY FACE
edating:
i feel like i annoy everyone that doesnt start the conversation with me first
craplos:
ladies. be careful when u wear spaghetti straps. it might distract the boys. they’ll start thinking of spaghetti. they will get hungry. they will stop at nothing to get their spaghetti.
catpun:
PEOPLE WHO THINK YOUR GRADES REFLECT YOUR INTELLIGENCE
bootox:
bootox:
my parents arent home today im gonna have a huge party
guys this party is getting a little too crazy
Argument I heard on the bus
Guy 1: no, niggah, gay bros can raise babies. Look at that warthog motherfucker and that ferret thing that raised Simba. And that niggah became king of motherfucking Africa.
e-n-o:
*shy but actually a sex freak*
fluent-in-lesbianism:
forsciencejohn:
when I say “I wish they would turn this book into a movie” what I really mean is “I wish they would turn this book into a 17-hour-long spectacle that includes every single solitary detail and doesn’t deviate at all from the storyline and has perfect casting”
abarestorytotell:
if you think i’m ugly now you should have seen me in 2009
robertoluongo:
in grade 8 i did a power point presentation on “whooping cough” and my opening slide was a photo of whoopi goldberg coughing and i was the only person who laughed at it and i couldnt start the presentation for like five minutes because i was laughing too hard at my own joke
pokemon-personalities:
a moment of recognition for those ships you shipped before you knew what shipping was
barricadeponine:
i wish i was a mermaid so i could have a nice shiny tail and a pretty seashell bra and a beautiful voice that i could use to entice cute boys and make them crash their ships and drown at sea so human women could rise as the dominate gender of the land
